The Ethical Bachelor

Dear Gentlemen,

Simply put, I love the company of women overnight and, if reasonable, even during daylight hours, I'm certainly not in love with the idea of being in love. I'm 35. I see nothing wrong with my desire to maintain my bachelor status as long as possible. Yet I've recently found women feeling (to their mind) justifiably wronged when I don't wish to engage in playing house with them.

I have been told I am too old to be playing games, but I'm not playing. I'm just happy living the single life, for good or ill. Are women resentful of men because they are cursed with a biological clock that's alarm in set for 40 while we are free to hit snooze until 60? I sense an issue here. Please clarify the correct way I should view this situation.

Best,

Single in Sacramento 

Dear Single,

The challenge you face is one that confronts a great many gentlemen. The fact is that there is nothing wrong with a prolonged bachelorhood, provided that you go about it in a gentlemanly matter, which means honesty with women, both at the outset and honesty throughout.

It sounds simple, but it’s not. Women have been fed on romantic comedies, which typically involve some rugged rogue selling his muscle car or leaving his high-powered job (sometimes both) so he can help out with his hapless-but-charming girlfriend’s puppy-grooming business and live with  her, next door to her parents. In short, women think their man will change. It’s not just the movies. People as a rule choose to believe what they want to believe, with the evidence at hand counting for little. The main problem for you is that when you say you’re not looking to settle down, she may not believe you.

That brings us to one of the more technical rules for being an Ethical Bachelor, only one of which we’ll bring up now. It is the colorfully named Shit-Or-Get-Off-The-Pot Rule. It states that if, after a year and a half, she’s talking bridesmaids and you’re looking for the exits, then grow a pair and get out. You’re the man and it’s your job to make that call. Regardless of what she says, you’re doing her a favor by moving on. The fact is that she does have less time than you, if she wants to have a family.

What you, as a gentleman, cannot do is string her along because you don’t want to be alone while you look for something better. As the thousands of years of stored wisdom in the Archives of the Gentleman will attest, nothing good will come of that.

Freely,

The Gentlemen