When Your Numbers Don't Add Up

Dear Gentlemen,
I am a 28 year old gent with an almost culminated graduate degree, no kids, no marriages, and now no woman. I write because I am freshly out of what appears to be an on-again, off-again 2-year relationship with a wonderful woman that ends with us deciding that we're not going the distance so we cut our ties (this makes 2 in the last four years). I filled the previous breakup periods with carnal adventures involving many bar-trodden harlots, and have bumped my "number" way too far up, my question is twofold:

1) How do I relish in my newly rediscovered singledom as a gentleman, avoid quickly reentering yet another cyclical relationship while engaging in the casual excitement that being recently single brings at the same time?

2) Is there a "number" of total sexual encounters that a gentleman should strive to avoid reaching for fear of the chronic loneliness & STD's that Don Juan coital statistics eventually bring? And if there is an accepted gentlemanly "number," does it change with a gentleman's age?

Good to Be Back,
Jumbled in Jackson County

Dear Jumbled,

A “number” isn’t a gentlemanly institution. Whether high or low, the number says nothing about a man except for the fact that he is keeping track of his number. And there is something desperate and crass about doing so. This is not a knock on the promiscuity that a single gentleman can enjoy in our day and age, but rather on the acquisitive approach to that promiscuity.

Numbers run all the way up to infinity. That peculiarity distorts the way we look at anything to do with numbers, especially money, and sexual encounters. At one point, you probably imagined that you would reach a certain “number,” and like an old man with a well-funded 401(k) be able then to retire to marriage.

But now you’re starting to notice that affairs are not bankable, that they often take more than they give. And you’re beginning to suspect that a particularly high number of such affairs is doing something dehumanizing and unwelcome to you and to the way that you approach women. You should heed that suspicion and slow down a little.

You don’t necessarily need to forego the harlots of Jackson County. But also see women who you might respect. And change the way you see them. Go out on a few proper dates whose immediate aim isn’t ending up in bed together. Get to know a lady first. And if you’re afraid of becoming entangled in a relationship with one of them too quickly, then simply don’t let your body write checks that your personality can’t cash.

Good Luck,

The Gentlemen