How to Say Hello to a Pornstar

Dear Gentlemen,
I recently found myself on a twelve-hour flight to the Middle East (I'm an international human rights lawyer) sitting next to a pornstar who I instantly recognized. She's famous for doing some unusually dirty things. And I am, in my own way, a fan. Or rather, I was.

What would have been the right way to introduce myself? Should I have mentioned that I recognized her, or feigned ignorance?

Hindsight May Help,
Dirty Thoughts in DC



Dear Hindsight,
Introducing yourself to the people sitting next to you on a plane is always a delicate affair. Speaking with a celebrity sitting next to you on a plane, tougher still. Meeting an attractive female celebrity sitting next to you on a plane can cause even the coolest gent to stumble. But saying hello to a beautiful, famous woman who just happens to be sitting next to you for 12 hours, and whom you have witnessed on the internet receiving a dirty sanchez, well that could cause a gentleman to ask for a new seat.

But don't fear, pornstars, like celebrities, are not better than you. Whenever you meet the person next to you on a plane you assume they do not want to talk to you. You begin with brief eye contact and a head nod. If that goes passably well you say hello. If the person next to you feels like talking then feel free to move onto the regular niceties.

Do not bring up that you have seen the person engage in graphic sexual acts. If they bring it up, simply acknowledge it with a head nod - the same way you would respond to Katy Perry telling you she was a singer.

Of course, if you fear that you are about to fall in love with a woman that has had unprotected sex with thousands of different men and women, you may just want to say "pornstar" out loud to make sure that you want to go through with it. If you still want to go through with it, try saying "double penetration." If that doesn't get it out of your system, think of your new relationship as saving a rich woman from the sex trade, and never ever make one of those videos where the husband watches.

Prudishly,
The Gentlemen