The Demon Envy
Dearest Gentlemen,
Knowing full well that the occasional smattering of
sexual jealousy and competition is an ugly yet biologically-encoded feature of
being a human -- even in the best among us -- how does the modern gentleman
best handle these unsavory pangs?
Sincerely,
It Ain’t Easy Being Green
Dear Mr. Green,
The powerful collection of bestial impulses and
tendencies inside each of us isn’t going anywhere. But a gentleman, while he
cannot necessarily control how he feels, can usually control how he behaves,
and even sometimes, how he thinks.
Jealousy doesn’t necessarily have to eat you up or drive
you to violence. On the contrary, being jealous can actually be a boon, because
it helps let you know what you desire. And that can gives you a better idea of where
to aim your efforts.
If you’re jealous of another man’s conquests, look at it
as an opportunity to see what he’s doing that you’re not, or more often, what
he’s not doing that you are. It’s not imperative that you ape his style, but
there may be something to learn.
If your jealousy is the result of a woman’s on-again-off-again
affection, then there’s a lesson in that as well. Often a woman will withdraw when
you chase, and then pursue you when you withdraw. If so, the odds are that her
experience of the situation is similar to yours. So consider it an opportunity
to master yourself enough to stand still, neither chasing or withdrawing, and by
doing so to invite her to stand still with you.
Like any basic impulse, jealousy grows stronger the more
you give in to it. So sit back and study it as though it was a strange phenomenon,
and go from there.
Meditatively,
The Gentlemen
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