How a Gentleman Argues

Dear Gentlemen,
It somehow happens that in the course of day-to-day life I inevitably at some point wind up in the wrong. I intuit that the gentlemanly thing to do is promptly admit it. But I will often rather assert, maintain, contend, argue, protest, vow, swear, and press on, generally coming up with some wildly fabricated claims to support my purported rightness, until my enemy (the person in the right) backs down and settles for an agree-to-disagree detente. How do I overcome this need to be right in every occasion?

Of course, the opposite happens as well. I often find myself in the right on a matter but faced with another gentleman, or a lady even, who insists that they are in the right. They press their flawed case with the same fervent righteousness. What is the gentlemanly thing to do in this occasion? Is it more gentlemanly to let the person in question live on in their blighted state of ignorance in order to avoid a confrontation? Or does a gentleman assume an obstinate stance and apply a "ground and pound" approach to bringing the light of truth to said fool?

Thank you for your time consideration in this matter,
So Wrong I'm Right, Houston, Texas

Dear So Wrong I'm Right,

Belligerence is not a gentlemanly virtue. It is intoxicating to the belligerent party, but usually both boring and offensive to the person subjected to it. The rightness and wrongness of your or their arguments matter little in comparison to how you each pursue those arguments.

Choose your battles. Arguments with strangers are rarely worth winning, though they may be a chance to hone your arguments and learn the weaknesses of those arguments. Once you become provoked enough to rage your way to an agree-to-disagree détente, the exercise has become worthless. “Agree-to-disagree” often means “I find it profitless to speak with you about this.”

With loved ones, friends and family, arguments about even obscure matters, such as The War of the Roses, can take on increased significance and call into play the existing dynamics of the relationship. In those cases, a bit of irrational bluster may indeed be called for, so as not to lose more ground than just your purported expertise on The War of the Roses. But at the same time, if the argument is more about your relationship to the other person than it is about The War of the Roses, and if you’re in the wrong, then wouldn’t your relationship with that person likely benefit if you just admitted it?

Argumentatively,
The Gentlemen