I have an old college friend who became severely schizophrenic several years
ago. I haven't seen him in over a decade, but we have kept up a lively
correspondence, first through the mail and now through email. I like this guy,
we had some good times back in the day, but I must admit with some shame that I
also encourage the relationship because I get a kick out of the crazy things he
writes to me.His life is full of paranoid delusions about covens of witches, cabals of ad executives, and computers with ESP. Now, however, he has begun to send me "articles" he has written that he wants me to pass onto my editors (I am a freelance journalist). They are as crazy as he is.
Sending them to my business contacts would tarnish those professional relationships, to say the least. So I don't forward them, but I tell my friend that I do. Am I doing wrong by misleading my already deluded buddy? Should I be more straightforward and just tell him to simmer down and take his medication regularly?
Regards,
Psycho in San Francisco
Dear Psycho,
Losing a friend to mental illness is a sad and confusing thing. On the one hand, you know that you can’t blame the friend, but on the other hand, you can’t condone their behavior, and on the other hand, you’re angry with your friend for not joining you on the difficult and sometimes exhilarating journey into adult life.
See, that’s already three hands. It’s confusing.
If you still want to be his friend, that means remaining honest. The thing that about people with mental illness that is often most painful is how aware they are of their disease and all it keeps them from. So don’t treat his mental illness like the elephant in the living room. Tell him that he may have some good points in the pieces he’s writing, but his craziness is ruining them, and keeping you from passing them to your editors.
Send him copies of the periodicals he wants to submit to, and ask him to write something more along those lines. Coach him through a few drafts for tone, style and journalistic rigor. It’ll be a chance to reconnect with an old friend, and may even be of some help to him.
Crazy people are exactly like sane people in that they’re crazier when they have nothing to do and nothing to shoot for.
Best,
The Gentlemen
Good luck with that! Schizophrenics believe wholeheartedly that their delusions are real...and what they are saying is important and factual. It can be pretty detrimental to tell them their letter sounds crazy. In my experience its easier to just tell the guy you cant pass them long cause your boss is too busy...but then again, I'm not a gentlemen!
ReplyDeleteThat's kind advice, and seems to comport with the tenets of occupational therapy as I understand them. Mental illness is scary, especially to those who knew a person before and after. The idea that one's personality is sacrosanct is central to most of our beliefs about ourselves. Mental illness challenges those notions and tries even the closest of friendships. I think this is good advice, especially with regard someone who wants to borrow one's conduit to publishers. Even 'non-crazy' friends may submit something untoward now and again. Treating the afflicted with kindness and giving them a nudge in the right direction can't hurt, and as you point out, may even prove helpful. Thank you.
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