How a Gentleman Turns Down a Hired Lady

Dear Gentlemen,

I was out drinking with a friend of mine the other night. We are both in our 20s and single. After a good night of drinking my buddy declared, "I'm buying you a girl! It's gonna be great."

So we went back to his high rise apartment in the city and he called an escort service and had two girls come over. He chose the better looking girl and went into his bedroom and left me and a tired looking Russian woman in his living room.

How should I have proceeded?

Expectantly, NYC

Dear Expectantly,

As a gentleman gets older, he can list an increasing number of things that once seemed like a great idea, but now just smell wrong. This sounds like one of them.

There are a lot of reasons to turn down a prostitute, even a free one. There’s the possibility of disease, legal risks, the diminishment of her dignity, the diminishment of your dignity, the chance someone will find out, and the psychological warping that can occur from associating money too closely with sexual release. There’s also the danger that you not like the look or the smell of that particular hooker.

So unless you need to sleep with the hooker as some part of a business negotiation or diplomatic mission, then feel free to walk away. Just because your friend is feeling generous doesn’t mean you have to play along to quite that extent. Pat your prostitute on the derriere and send her in to work with her colleague on your friend, and call it a night.

With Restraint,

The Gentlemen