Dear Gentlemen,I have a friend I hang out with about once a week. He lives in a trendy part of town full of boutiques, restaurants, and nightclubs. I live 2.4 miles away in a quiet neighborhood known for its trees. My friend and I are at least ten years past the core demographic of his neighborhood, and when we hang out there, we are either listening to records at his house or chatting in the one bar we like. But despite not really using his neighborhood for anything that makes it a globally recognized epicenter of youth culture, somehow we're always there, and never at my place in my neighborhood. Our hangouts are geographically lopsided. It's not like it's easier for me to get to his than vice versa: the hassle is same either way, and since we're only 2.4 miles apart, it's not even that big a hassle (you could walk it in 45 minutes. The bus takes 20. Car service, 10). Yet, for reasons that seem more psychological than logistical, I'm at his house every week and he's at mine maybe twice a year.
Should hangouts between close pals be an even split of locale? How do I bring it up without seeming like a needy wuss? Many thanks for the guidance.
Respectfully,
Mike W. Queens, NY
Dear Mike,
Odds are that your friend has also noticed the discrepancy.
He probably figures that you just like to get out of your neighborhood. But a gentleman doesn’t make an issue out of something unless he absolutely must.
There isn’t much to discuss here. Rather, the next time you’re making plans, simply suggest that he meet you at yours. Have a plan to grill steaks or try a local bar. Something. Don’t make it about the dynamic if it’s really just a matter of habit.
If he resists the idea and tries to move things back to
his area, then say you’re not in the mood for the hipster noise of the locale. Keep
insisting and only make the nature of your friendship the issue if he does.
Directedly,
The Gentlemen
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