I have friends who are terrible parents. I want to say something but am not sure what to say or how to say it. What is the best way to give parenting advice?
Best,
Concerned in Connecticut
Dear Concerned,
Critiquing parenting methods is a sure way to end a friendship. It is a very sensitive subject into which a gentleman rarely forays.
If we're talking bruises and cigarette burns, you have the sad obligation to contact child services. But if we're talking about general questionable parenting - like letting the little one eat gogurt or the older one stay out all night - and you still want to say something, then don't.
But if you honestly can't help yourself, then start by talking shop. Discuss attachment parenting or Ferberizing. Ask a few neutral, almost academic questions to find out why the behavior that you don't like is happening. Offer to help. Offer to babysit. Spend some time with the kid and lead by example.
You can put your friendship in jeopardy and tell them to be better parents, or you can become a better friend, and help them take care of their kid for a little while. And if they are really bad parents, hopefully you will help change their behavior by example. Otherwise, it's hands off.
Paternally,
The Gentlemen
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