Not in Front of Company

Dear Gentlemen,
Recently my wife has been nagging me over silly things, especially when company is over. For example, when we order pizza, she keeps nagging me to go pick it up even though we just called in the order and I know from experience with this restaurant that I'll be waiting in the cold for 10 minutes if I go when she suggests.

What's the most gentlemanly way to explain to her the situation in front of guests without sounding rude?

Worriedly,
Henpecked in Hyannis

Dear Henpecked,

Your marriage is important. It’s more important than a lot of things, but it’s especially more important than what people think of your marriage.

Fighting with your lady isn’t fun, and is even worse in front of friends and acquaintances. And giving a gentleman advice on how to fight with his lady is like giving a schoolkid advice on how to handle a schoolyard altercation. It’s generally a waste of time, because no two fights are the same, and because it all goes out the window once the fur is flying.

But if your lady is playing the bully consistently in front of guests, then, in a private moment, you should talk to her about this troubling tendency of hers. And if that doesn't work, then consider resorting to the lowest form of combat, namely politics. It’s often a gentleman’s best bet for winning without fighting.

Let’s stick with pizza example. Mention in passing to the guests, not to your lady, that you love the pizza place, but they don’t deliver and they take absolutely forever to make a pie. If she’s using the guests to get her way without confrontation, so can you.

Then, if you must still leave far too early to pick up the pizza, ask a sympathetic guest or two if they want to come with you, because it will be a while. One will likely agree, just to avert the discomfort. A missing guest will underline how long you are gone, especially if it’s cold out. And if no one agrees to come along, then leave your cell phone at home, and grab a beer or two on the way to the pizza place.

Just relax. Take your time. You’re not only the master of your destiny, but also of their pizza.

Entertainingly,

The Gentlemen