Drinking with Lightweights

Dear Gentlemen,

My wife has us go out every now and then with some of her work friends. They are peers and a friendly enough bunch, but no one is exactly close with each other. We go to ordinary after work bars where there is normally table service. They all drink slowly. I weigh twice what these women weigh and tend to drink quickly.

A couple of the other ladies bring men, but they all seem to drink slowly also. My wife tells me that drinking so fast makes me look like an alcoholic. So I hang out with these people for an hour or two and have one or two beers. Is my wife crazy for not letting me drink at least twice that much? Can I go straight to the bar? I don't mind the company, I just think I would enjoy it all a little more if I had a lot more to drink.

Thanks,

Thirsty in Kansas City

Dear Thirsty,

Drinking with lightweights who are not exactly friends or family is always a trial. (Gentlemanly sidenote: Do be careful in distinguishing actual friends from friendly coworkers.) If you don’t have a decent professional or personal reason engage in unsatisfactory drinking, then avoid it.

As gentlemen, we are well aware that your wife wants you to do everything outside of her grooming rituals with her. But that’s why ancient gentlemen invented hunting, and more recent gentlemen have invented civilization--so that they could get away frequently. Your wife isn’t crazy for limiting your alcohol consumption in front of her coworkers. She rightly sees you as part of her professional reputation. But you might be crazy for getting needlessly roped into the deeply joyless exercise of listening to a group of mostly sober women discuss their jobs.

So get a hobby, stay late at work, start a political party, reinvent the wheel, get drinks with your own coworkers, or better yet, your friends. But don't drink with your wife's coworkers. Save your headache-inducing two-beers-and-a-forced-smile for her company Christmas party, and draw the line there.

On Our Seventh Or So,

The Gentlemen