Before She Met You

Dear Gentlemen,
I am in a relationship that is becoming serious. Recently, I learned about my girlfriend’s sexual history. It was not a tale I enjoyed hearing. How can I deal with it?

Nauseously,

Ghost Dog, Queens, New York

Dear Ghost,

In this modern world, it’s unlikely that you will date many virgins. And it’s deeply troubling to think that a woman to whom you wish to give your heart has been won with far less by other men.

Our first piece of advice is to never get into Ghost Dog’s situation. You may want to discuss your past conquests. And earlier relationships may be a favorite topic of discussion for your lady friend. In either case, you need to curtail that discussion. It is both irrelevant and damaging. Nip it in the bud. Strangle it in the crib. No good will come of it. No matter how sparing she has been with her maidenhood, there is no good answer to the question of her past. Don’t ask, don’t answer, don’t go there.

But if you’ve already crossed that bridge, then just try to forget. Don’t enlarge the conversation by asking more questions or by bringing it up again. The more time you spend talking about it, the more time you’ll spend thinking about it. And the more time you spend thinking about it, the worse you will feel. The modern compulsion to talk about sex at all turns is in fact your worst enemy in this instance. So, stow it, and move on.

With Steely Discipline,

The Gentlemen