Dear Gentlemen,Does a gentleman continue to be friends with another man that is a train wreck? You know, one week he's depressed. The next, he's in love ("this time, it's real"). I'm sick of his shit dominating my lunch hour.
Sincerely,
Exasperated in Albuquerque
Dear Exasperated,
Friendship is a voluntary institution. And while we each owe
a kind of debt to our friends, and vice versa, sometimes the balance gets so
skewed that friendship feels more like an obligation. That can become an
especially onerous obligation in the absence of interesting, lively
conversation, or free drinks.
In that instance, sometimes it makes sense to address the
trainwreck directly. But that can result in another lengthy recapitulation of
the trainwreck’s many confusions and persecutions. There is such a thing as a
hopeless case.
Other times, a gentleman may choose to slowly and
politely withdraw his attention from the trainwreck. Being “too
busy” for a week or two of lunches may be enough to let the
trainwreck know that he needs to listen as well as talk, to ask as well as
tell, to be, in short, more of a gentleman, and a better friend.
Warm Regards,
The Gentlemen
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