The Gentleman Who Is Sent Shopping

Dear Gentlemen,

I was recently sent to the store for cognac. I have never tasted cognac, nor did I know what cognac looked like, smelled like, tasted like. The liquor store had a dozen varieties, priced accordingly. Do you have any cognac recommendations? Barring that, or in addition, how should a gentleman choose a brand when confronted with a new liquor/product to buy?

Sincerely,

Confused in the Brown Liquor Aisle

 

Dear Confused,

When faced with shopping for an unfamiliar drink like cognac, port wine, anisette, or a highly fetishized but otherwise indistinguishable food item like sea salt, balsamic vinegar or olive oil, you need a plan.

The first step in a gentleman’s shopping plan is to find the most and least expensive versions of the item. Remove them from the equation. Then look at the labels, not what they say, but how they look. The experience of most liquors and foods relies heavily on how they are framed in the minds of the tasters. So put yourself in the mind of the person you’re shopping for, and the kinds of images and design with which they would identify. The whole process, to this point, should take exactly thirty-five seconds.

With those thirty-five seconds elapsed, make a sudden and irrevocable decision and head to the register. A gentleman does not spend all damn day on this sort of errand.

Decisively,
The Gentlemen