I recently started dating a girl. I am in my late 20’s
and she is in her early 20’s. She is a fine girl, but she is a virgin. I don't
really want to be her one and only. I also don't feel that qualified to be her
coach. I am pretty sure she is not waiting for religious or moral reasons. It
just has not happened.What should I do? And should I feel bad about it? Is it irrational for me to think having a girl with only one sexual partner is somehow a negative thing?
Regards,
Conner, Hyannis MA
Dear Conner,
You’re not wrong to feel as you do. Taking a girl’s virginity
means, on a primordial, preverbal level, taking some responsibility for her. And
today’s permissive sexual environment actually has the strange effect of
magnifying that sense.
But take a step back and think about the girl. As awkward
and daunting as it is for you, it is likely much moreso for her. From how you
describe her, she probably wants to get it over with and negate it as an issue.
And I wouldn’t worry about being her “one and only.” First,
it’s not that century. Second, there’s a good chance that it won’t be exactly a
mind-blowing experience. So go into it with a clear conscience, be patient and have
some fun. It beats being with a girl with some dude's name scrawled on her body.
Tenderly,
The Gentlemen
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