I am a newly married man who, because of his work, often finds himself alone in social situations with flirtatious women. My general tendency after years of bachelorhood is to flirt back, even when I mean nothing by it. But it's easy to see how such flirting could get me into trouble. I realize I have to draw a line, but where? In a casual office conversation? Should I skip after-work drinks? Should I simply be more reserved? Your advice would be much appreciated.
Sincerely,
Sanford, Stamford
Dear Sanford,
Don't be a flirt. Don't let anyone get the idea that you would have sex with anyone but your wife. It is thrilling to know that you still have it - that women want you. But ultimately it makes you look like you do not take your vows seriously, that you are dishonest and that you are sort of a joke.
But be friendly. I never trust anyone too serious or too extroverted. You just have to lay off the flirty behavior. Don't talk about sex or making out. Don't touch her back as you politely pull out a chair. Keep your chivalrous distance. You can get after-work drinks with a group, but avoid socializing that seems anything like a date.
The truth is that you know when you are crossing the line, but you love the rush of being loved. Everyone does, but a gentleman lives with the love that he married.
Earnestly,
The Gentlemen
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