Arguing Politics with Pretty Women

Dear Gentlemen,

As much as a gentleman tries to avoid the topic, it is inevitable that in any prolonged amount of time spent with a lady, the subject of politics will come up in conversation. While it is true that there is much that can be gained from a discussion along these lines, it all too often seems that ladies hold fervently to certain hard lines that contradict my own opinions. If I stick to my guns and try to explain my perspective on these topics it usually winds up in disaster: The lady feels alienated and I'm left with nothing more to look forward to than another cold and lonely night.

Is it essential for a gentleman to find a lady whose politics resemble his own? How important is it for a gentleman to stand up for his own political beliefs when what he really wants is the soothing caresses of feminine companionship? Should a gentleman dissemble in his quest for amatory satisfaction?

Sincerely,
Filibustered in Brooklyn

Dear Filibustered,

What you’ve described is one of the greater challenges a gentleman faces, which is how to get along and get what he desires in the face of powerful disagreements.

The world is full of men and women who love each other despite political differences. Some avoid the subject of politics and agree to disagree. Others argue regularly, and see those arguments as another aspect of the eternal thrust-and-parry of their relationship. So you don’t necessarily need to find a woman with compatible views.

As for lying about your politics—if you lied to a woman to receive her favor, you wouldn’t be the first. There are situations in which desire will overturn integrity. And in an evening’s debauchery, there is room for subterfuge.

But be warned: Once you get into the habit of lying to women, it can be a hard habit to break. It ultimately degrades you and her and makes real intimacy that much harder.

You have to decide how important your political beliefs are and how important the woman is to you. If both matter, then I advise that you patiently and dispassionately explain your position to her. But do so without recourse to popular mottoes or slogans. Argue by specific issues, the problems they present and different possible solutions. Don’t get too broad and don’t break the discussion down by politicians or by party platforms. Seek out common ground wherever possible. It’s hard, but if she’s worth it and your beliefs are worth it, then you have no other choice.

Regards,
The Gentlemen